Dear Liz,
Paul and I are best friends. I’ve known the guy for
years, but lately I’ve been getting the weird feeling
that he no longer sees me as just a friend. He says
things that seem weird like “Well I could never date
you because…”in a joking manner. He’s flirty, but
then will turn around and start talking about some
new girl he’s dating. I’m not interested in him. But
I’m starting to get the sneaking suspicion that he
sees me no longer as just a platonic friend. What do
you do if you think a platonic friend is interested in
you? - C.L.
First of all step back. Could you possibly just be
paranoid? Maybe he’s saying you two couldn’t
date because he knows it wouldn’t work and
appreciates your friendship. You might have done
something he found cute, he thought about you
together, and then decided to announce aloud why
this was not the best option. You just happened to
be there when the brain leaking occurred. In either
situation, if you still want to maintain your
friendship I would not recommend bringing it up. If
everything is platonic, you don’t want to invite
awkwardness into your party. But if there is
something in the back of his mind, bringing it up will
more than likely just make him feel like he you’re
putting him in the spotlight that he obviously was
not ready to stand in.
A suggestion would be to enforce the idea that you
two are just friends. Say things like “I’m so happy
we are friends!” or the dreaded “You are like a
brother to me.” These things will help enforce your
feelings. Hopefully this will re enforce the the
friend zone. Another suggestion would be helping
him focus his feelings on someone else. If you have
a cute, single friend introduce them. Warning,
however, if you choose this plan of attack you
might lose your friend time because it will most
likely get replaced with new couple time.
The thing to remember is that you are not
responsible for his feelings. Crushes are not
something you have any control over so don’t let it
bother you too bad. If he does like you and you see
him as just a friend, he’s going to feel just as
awkward as you do if not more. If he’s not actually
interested in you then there is even less to be
concerned about. Basically, don’t worry about
something you have no control over.
the friend zone. Another suggestion would be
helping him focus his feelings on someone else. If
you have a cute, single friend introduce them.
Warning, however, if you choose this plan of attack
you might lose your friend time because it will most
likely get replaced with new couple time. The thing
to remember is that you are not responsible for his
feelings. Crushes are not something you have any
control over so don’t let it bother you too bad. If he
Paul and I are best friends. I’ve known the guy for
years, but lately I’ve been getting the weird feeling
that he no longer sees me as just a friend. He says
things that seem weird like “Well I could never date
you because…”in a joking manner. He’s flirty, but
then will turn around and start talking about some
new girl he’s dating. I’m not interested in him. But
I’m starting to get the sneaking suspicion that he
sees me no longer as just a platonic friend. What do
you do if you think a platonic friend is interested in
you? - C.L.
First of all step back. Could you possibly just be
paranoid? Maybe he’s saying you two couldn’t
date because he knows it wouldn’t work and
appreciates your friendship. You might have done
something he found cute, he thought about you
together, and then decided to announce aloud why
this was not the best option. You just happened to
be there when the brain leaking occurred. In either
situation, if you still want to maintain your
friendship I would not recommend bringing it up. If
everything is platonic, you don’t want to invite
awkwardness into your party. But if there is
something in the back of his mind, bringing it up will
more than likely just make him feel like he you’re
putting him in the spotlight that he obviously was
not ready to stand in.
A suggestion would be to enforce the idea that you
two are just friends. Say things like “I’m so happy
we are friends!” or the dreaded “You are like a
brother to me.” These things will help enforce your
feelings. Hopefully this will re enforce the the
friend zone. Another suggestion would be helping
him focus his feelings on someone else. If you have
a cute, single friend introduce them. Warning,
however, if you choose this plan of attack you
might lose your friend time because it will most
likely get replaced with new couple time.
The thing to remember is that you are not
responsible for his feelings. Crushes are not
something you have any control over so don’t let it
bother you too bad. If he does like you and you see
him as just a friend, he’s going to feel just as
awkward as you do if not more. If he’s not actually
interested in you then there is even less to be
concerned about. Basically, don’t worry about
something you have no control over.
the friend zone. Another suggestion would be
helping him focus his feelings on someone else. If
you have a cute, single friend introduce them.
Warning, however, if you choose this plan of attack
you might lose your friend time because it will most
likely get replaced with new couple time. The thing
to remember is that you are not responsible for his
feelings. Crushes are not something you have any
control over so don’t let it bother you too bad. If he
does like you and you see him as just a friend,
he’s going to feel just as awkward as you do if
not more. If he’s not actually interested in
you then there is even less to be concerned
about. Basically, don’t worry about
something you have no control over.
the friend zone. Another suggestion would be
helping him focus his feelings on someone
else. If you have a cute, single friend introduce
them. Warning, however, if you choose this
plan of attack you might lose your friend time
because it will most likely get replaced with
new couple time.
The thing to remember is that you are not
responsible for his feelings. Crushes are not
something you have any control over so don’t
let it bother you too bad. If he does like you
and you see him as just a friend, he’s going to
feel just as awkward as you do if not more. If
he’s not actually interested in you then there is
even less to be concerned about. Basically,
don’t worry about something you have no
control over.
Dear Liz,
All right, here's my issue that I've never been
able to handle too well.... breaking up with
friends. Basically I'm the type who always
wants to talk it out and find out the root of it all
and it seems that most of my ex-friends are
more silent cut and run types who don't need
different and there isn't enough background,
but are these ex-friends lost causes or should I
he’s going to feel just as awkward as you do if
not more. If he’s not actually interested in
you then there is even less to be concerned
about. Basically, don’t worry about
something you have no control over.
the friend zone. Another suggestion would be
helping him focus his feelings on someone
else. If you have a cute, single friend introduce
them. Warning, however, if you choose this
plan of attack you might lose your friend time
because it will most likely get replaced with
new couple time.
The thing to remember is that you are not
responsible for his feelings. Crushes are not
something you have any control over so don’t
let it bother you too bad. If he does like you
and you see him as just a friend, he’s going to
feel just as awkward as you do if not more. If
he’s not actually interested in you then there is
even less to be concerned about. Basically,
don’t worry about something you have no
control over.
Dear Liz,
All right, here's my issue that I've never been
able to handle too well.... breaking up with
friends. Basically I'm the type who always
wants to talk it out and find out the root of it all
and it seems that most of my ex-friends are
more silent cut and run types who don't need
different and there isn't enough background,
but are these ex-friends lost causes or should I
continue to seek the kind of closure I need to end a friendship? – R.
D.
Since you need closure, I suggest you make one attempt. If the
split occurred with no real reason that you know of, make sure that
the distance hasn’t been caused by a packed personal schedule or
some tremendous life event. First contact should be attempted by
phone. Call them and ask them how things have been. Listen to
what they say. Ask if they’ve been busy because you’ve noticed
(*insert the list of reasons here). Don’t sound offended. Try not
to be emotional. Attempt to make plans with them. This is the
scenario if your friend is busy, had a baby, or been kidnapped by
Buffalo Bill.
If your friendship is splitting over a fight (and not being forced to
put lotion in a basket) be the bigger person and contact them first.
Call them or (the best idea) is email them. When someone writes
the have the ability to review what he or she say before the say it.
Also the lack of emotion conveyed through written word is good in
situations like this. Explain the emotional investment you share
and don’t be too stubborn not to apologize. Ask them to meet you
on neutral ground, a restaurant or coffee shop for example. Now,
the ball is in their court. If they respond, you’ve saved a
friendship. If they don’t, go through normal grieving motions over
your loss, but don’t let it wear on your mind. Focus your energy
on something creative or on other friends. Chalk it up to life
experience and make a new one. [End]
D.
Since you need closure, I suggest you make one attempt. If the
split occurred with no real reason that you know of, make sure that
the distance hasn’t been caused by a packed personal schedule or
some tremendous life event. First contact should be attempted by
phone. Call them and ask them how things have been. Listen to
what they say. Ask if they’ve been busy because you’ve noticed
(*insert the list of reasons here). Don’t sound offended. Try not
to be emotional. Attempt to make plans with them. This is the
scenario if your friend is busy, had a baby, or been kidnapped by
Buffalo Bill.
If your friendship is splitting over a fight (and not being forced to
put lotion in a basket) be the bigger person and contact them first.
Call them or (the best idea) is email them. When someone writes
the have the ability to review what he or she say before the say it.
Also the lack of emotion conveyed through written word is good in
situations like this. Explain the emotional investment you share
and don’t be too stubborn not to apologize. Ask them to meet you
on neutral ground, a restaurant or coffee shop for example. Now,
the ball is in their court. If they respond, you’ve saved a
friendship. If they don’t, go through normal grieving motions over
your loss, but don’t let it wear on your mind. Focus your energy
on something creative or on other friends. Chalk it up to life
experience and make a new one. [End]
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